I'm giddy. I'm slap happy. I'm flying high only without any artificial help.

So what's got me so hyped up? Why, the Reds of course!

Some of their most recent moves have sent me into utter ecstasy. The wondrous personnel they've added to their roster has brought on a near state of delirium. I'm brimming with euphoria and overflowing with enthusiasm. I can barely contain myself.

But what other reaction can you expect from a Reds' follower when they make such a huge splash by bringing aboard heavyweights the likes of Jeff Conine, Jeff Keppinger and Mark Bellhorn. I mean, how can it get any better than that? These are players of epic proportions. Not even trading for past and present stalwarts such as Joe Morgan, George Foster and Bronson Arroyo can top these monumental maneuvers.

With Conine, Keppinger and Bellhorn now in the fold, it's a certainty that the Reds are going places. These three megastars will definitely put Cincy over the top. Hell, getting to the postseason has become a done deal. It's become a mortal lock.

I've already made my World Series plans. You can bank on a festive celebration taking place at Fountain Square come this October. Why getting this dynamic trio is tantamount to having the Yankees' one-two-three punch of Ruth, Gehrig and Tony Lazzeri. New York had Murder's Row. Now the Reds have a newer, updated version of the Big Red Machine featuring the "Killer" Jeffs' and the "Marvelous" Mark.

Just thinking about seeing these guys in a Cincinnati uniform has me just about ready to wet my pants. Quick, does anyone have any Depends?

Heck, who needs another big bat, solid starter or bullpen closer when Conine, Keppinger and Bellhorn are available. All else becomes unimportant when you can import such jewels. This rates as a mother load of acquisitions. Reds' G.M. Wayne Krivsky has reached the summit. He's found his zenith. His genius has been clearly validated. With these moves, Krivsky has insured his place in Cooperstown, not to mention earning the everlasting gratitude of the Reds' faithful.

Admittedly, Conine qualifies only as a part-timer. And yes, he's a bit long in the tooth, bordering on ancient at age 40 but remember the  axiom that claims that he's not getting older, he's getting better. 

And as for Keppinger and Bellhorn, your eyes literally bug out when you get a load of the whopping .267 and .190 averages they posted a year ago. Now, that's what I call impact. That's what I call raking. That's spanking the ball with such regularity   it calls to mind the halcyon days of Pete Rose and Ken Griffey Sr.

Based on past results, I'm beyond sure that both Keppinger and Bellhorn will challenge for the NL's batting title in '07. And it's a foregone conclusion that each will earn All-Star status come this July. Having these powerhouses wielding their bats for the Reds is simply to good to be true. 

This is what long suffering Reds' fans have been dreaming about for the better part of a decade. The difference makers have arrived. To have titans like Conine, Keppinger and Bellhorn come to the Queen City to save the day is beyond anyone's wildest expectations. Why, it's almost as if time has stood still and Johnny B., Tony P. and Rose have ridden back to the rescue.

Make no mistake about it, the good times are about to roll again. A new era of dominance beckons. A dynasty is in the making. Soon Cincinnati will become the baseball capitol of the world.

And we have Conine, Keppinger and Bellhorn to thank for that fact. Bringing them together should prove to be historic. I can't remember the last time three such immortals were brought in by a club simultaneously. It's a flat out embarrassment of riches.

And because of these stunning acquisitions, the Reds figure to be all set. They're good to go. They're as complete as a team can possibly be. No other components are needed. Cincy can now afford to stand pat.

That's what the "Killer" Jeffs' and the "Marvelous" Mark do for you. That's the credence they give and the incredible dimension they provide. They transition you for being mediocre to becoming dynamic. Almost overnight, the Reds have gone from being pretenders to establishing themselves as one of the most dominate clubs in the game.

Wow, I'm still pinching myself. This was the type of marquee wheeling dealing the Cincy fandom was praying to happen. Krivsky has definitely outdone himself. The glory days are just around the corner. This is nirvana, the ultimate and the Holy Grail all wrapped into one. Reds' rooters must feel as if they've just died and found themselves in diamond heaven.

Oh, one last thing. Just in case you're a bit slow on the uptake, which very few of my readers are, please be advised that this entire article was written with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek. I was chuckling and guffawing all the way through it. I even doubled over in convulsions a time or two. 

Is having Conine, Keppinger and Bellhorn become Reds really supposed to stir my blood and quicken my pulse.? Is that what everyone's been waiting for this entire off-season? Is this what makes the Reds legit? Are these truly Krivsky's signature moves?

YEAH, RIGHT!!!!!